State of Denial
by rainypromise
Summary: Natsume loves Mikan. Everybody knows this. Well, expect Mikan of course who will probably will always be oblivious while Natsume likes to pretend that he doesn't... HIATUS
1. A State of Denial

**A State of Denial**

**Chapter One: State of Mind**

Disc: Not mine. No need to sue.

---

Hyuuga Natsume glared at the group of girls that was staring at him, his glare more pronounced since he was also in a bad mood for being unable to find his favorite toy aka Baka Youjo aka Sakura Mikan aka polka dot panties. But of course, Natsume being Natsume, will never admit his rather obvious fixation towards the girl. He would sooner admit that he was gay and will start his own clothing line soon.

He is definitely not looking for her. No siree. No way, no how.

Not that it's anybody else's business if he was which he wasn't.

_I mean, so what if I passed her bedroom door?,_ He glared at Mikan's door where bright colored flowers spelled out her name.

It wasn't like he was waiting for her to get out of her bedroom. He just wanted a change from his usual route. Even though how modern and well to do this place is, when you walk the same hall every day for a number of years, you still can get bored by it and a bored Natsume only means trouble.

So what if he sat his usual spot, perched on the sakura tree longer than usual? He just came home from a mission, he was tired. It wasn't because he was waiting for her to come looking for him like she usually does.

He rolled his red ruby eyes, _pleeeeease, why the hell do I want to wait for the little baka who will only talk my ear off anyway?_

He likes being alone.

If it looked like he was searching for somebody while he stuffed potato hash into his mouth during lunch, it was only because he wanted to make sure that she was not there so he can finally eat in peace without having to hear her latest review on deserts.

_I like my peace. I like my quiet._ And not even a deaf man can accuse her of being quiet. Natsume ignored Ruka's questioning glance when he stomped his feet harder on the marble stairs as they walked down from their rooms.

He visited Bear-san's house because he wanted to amuse himself with its usual psycho antiques, not because he was hoping to meet her there. He didn't by the way.

Which was good. Very good. His ears weeping in gratitude when he found out that she wasn't there.

And he landed on Hotaru's doorstep because he wanted to know if there was any new cool stuff that he'd be pushed to buy, not because she happens to be the baka's best friend.

He played with the big fluffy giant chick because he knew Ruka would like him to since he was busy with the sick horse in the stables. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she likes to check up on the animal

He talked to Konoko because he wanted to ask about that new energy potion she was developing. Not because he overheard the baka making an appointment with her for the afternoon.

He bravely entered Anna's sugar scented kitchen because he heard she was baking cookie dragons, it was kind of cool to watch them eat each other up. _Yes, that was my only intention and not because the baka is practically a permanent fixture in there since she is always hungry._

This is why he expected to see her drooling over her food at dinner since he noticed that she also missed lunch, he couldn't help but notice her absence since the cafeteria was unnaturally quiet without her god awful screeches. The deep frown was still on his face when he appeared on the front door of the cafeteria, ignoring the many eyes that shifted towards him because he was busy looking for the one pair of amber eyes that actually mattered. Ruka nudged him with a sharp elbow so he had no choice but to walk towards their usual table, where of course, the baka should be sitting.

And if he turned his head a little fast when he thought he heard a familiar female voice, it was because, well, if it was really her, he would've headed the other way. He was in no mood for her annoying cheer and self righteousness.

It wasn't though.

Natsume grumbled away as he dragged his feet and followed Ruka, naturally ignoring the feminine admiring eyes and the uneasy stare of their male counter part. His own eyes, shifted left to right, trying to spot his usual prey and gritted his teeth when he didn't. _Probably late. The baka is always late._ _Irritating, obnoxious, annoying, ear unfriendly, party pooper, goody toe-shoes..and so damn nosy._

Like every time he comes back from a mission, she always comes up to him and nag, asking whether he is hurting or feeling pain or whatever, _as if he's a stupid rookie on his first mission._ _Che._

She has even started to carry around first aid kits as if implying that he was clumsy. She'd be better off using her stuffs on herself since she can barely do anything without hurting herself. The girl is a hazard around pencils, tables, water, trees, loose stones, chairs, you name it.

_DEATH BY CLUMSINESS. That will be the title to her eulogy someday._

Ruka glanced at the boy sitting beside him, observing the pulsing vein on his forehead, the ticking muscle on his jaw, the dark clouds hanging over his head and the rather barbaric way he was shoving food into his mouth. When others would think that Natsume was in a killer mood, Ruka knew that his best friend was just sulking. And he knew just exactly what he was sulking over.

"She's in her room and hasn't left it since class ended."

Natsume bit into his garlic bread and glanced at his best friend who looked somewhat amused. They were sitting on their usual corner at their usual table in the cafeteria, surrounded by their classmates. He barked out the question. "Who is?"

"Sakura."

He cringed inwardly at the knowing tone in his best friend's voice but calmly quirked an eyebrow, intending to shamelessly bluff his way out of the conversation. "And why do you think that I'd be interested in her whereabouts?"

If other people would run off into the middle of the night screaming bloody murder at even the hint of slight in his voice, Ruka only elegantly sipped his tea.

"Because you've been looking for her ever since we got out of class."

Natsume scoffed and stuffed more spaghetti into his mouth. "What are you talking about?"

Ruka looked at him, pursed his lips then shrugged. "Whatever you say."

His blue eyes were calm. His smile; sweet and serene. The tone of voice, agreeable and kind.

It bugged the hell out of Natsume.

Contrary to what people think, Natsume knows that Ruka is not the shy quiet prince people cut him out to be. He's actually just as worst as the little baka but he does it with more subtlety and a touch of class.

_Damn sneaky bastard._

He can nag at you with a slide of his eyes, a slight curve on his mouth, a steady tapping of his fingers. He can even nag at you by sitting quietly and not doing anything, but you can actually feel the disapproving invisible waves or hear the chiding words slowly chipping away at your composure.

To make it worst, since he's not doing or saying anything, you don't have anything to get angry at and you also can't yell at him to shut up.

Some will chalk it up to a crazy imagination but Natsume knows it's true. Like now for example, it was obvious that Ruka didn't believe a single word that he just said.

"I _wasn't_ looking for her." Natsume repeated with a little more conviction.

Ruka turned towards him, a look of surprise on his face as if he already considered the subject closed. "Fine."

But Natsume knew it was far from over. He shifted his eyes to Ruka, looking suspiciously for any sign of a stray thought but Ruka wasn't his best friend for nothing. He only saw his best friend, laughing at something their class president said, leaving him brooding over his plate.

_Why the hell did he think I was searching for the damn girl anyway?_ _I mean, well, yeah, we've been in the same class for four years now and we happen to hang out a lot but that's just because she just can't leave me well enough alone and though I don't like to dwell on it much, we are partners. _

He suddenly felt a twinge in the near vicinity of his forgotten heart and jolted when he realized what it was. Guilt.

_Damn it_.

Natsume's pride left a bitter taste in his throat and he stabbed a strand of spaghetti with a little more force than what was necessary. "What's wrong with the baka?"

Ruka's face was bland, but Natsume knew he was snickering inside. Oh, he so knew. Meanwhile, Ruka knew that Natsume knew he was snickering inside, but as long as he stuck to the plan, he'll still get what he wanted and in doing so, get Natsume to do what he wanted to do but refused to do so. For a moment, Ruka was confused by his own thoughts before somebody kicked him under the table. Koko, who sat in front of him knew of his plan, approved of it and wanted him to concentrate on the matter at hand.

Ruka coughed when Koko widened his eyes towards him.

"She's sick." Ruka pressed his lips together and just like Natsume described earlier, Ruka slowly slid his eyes towards him. "I think it's because she was up all night worrying about a certain someone who didn't even give so much as a sign that he was already home."

Natsume could feel his brain cramping and it made him itch to burn something. "Why should I? It's not like I told her to wait for me and it's none of her business anyway."

Ruka shrugged and it irked Natsume to see how similar that shrug was to his 'well-if-you're-going-to-be-an-idiot-about-it' shrug. "You _are_ her partner. It won't be strange at all if you check in with her from time to time. You of all people should know how she is, she can't help but worry." He sighed, knowing how that soft 'woe-is-me' sound will grate on Natsume's nerves.

Natsume gritted his teeth against the subtle attack on his conscience and chewed the strands of spaghetti in his mouth until it resembled liquid. He was caught in another technique from Ruka's book of 'How to Nag at Natsume Until He Does What You Want Him to Do' co-authored by Mikan Sakura, this technique is generally known as Emotional Black mail aka Guilt Trip. It only lacked the weeping violins and lacy handkerchief.

"Now, she's all alone in her room without anyone to take care of her because she refused our help, said she didn't want to be a bother, said that she'll just sleep it off. But this is Mikan we're talking about, who knows what kind of trouble she'll get into without one of us watching her." Ruka's intentionally slid his blue, blue eyes towards his plate, pulling off a morose and whimsical look. "Her fever was pretty high, she could be unconscious on the floor for all we know. She's just so damn stubborn. She didn't even open the door for Hotaru because she didn't want her to catch the bug."

His mind a muddled mess, Natsume got so far as to ask, "Bug? What bug?" Before he caught himself then rolled his eyes. "Remind me to disinfect myself later, I've caught her baka germs." Then he frowned and gulped down his tea.

Ruka didn't answer, he merely swirled strands of spaghetti on his fork and kept his eyes on his plate, all the while emitting waves of worry and concern. Struggling not to grin when Natsume pushed off the table with a frustrated and harassed air around him.

"Where are you going?" He asked in his most lost boy voice, forcefully suppressing the glee in his voice.

Natsume scowled at him and shoved his hands into his pocket in a classic defensive posture, struggling not to sulk. _You know where I'm going, you bastard. _"Where do you think? I have to make sure she didn't open the window, thinking it was the bathroom door and fall off or something. She's certainly stupid enough to do so. If she gets herself killed I'll get stuck with someone else and though it's not possible, that person can probably be more annoying than the baka." _Like Sumire or one of the rabid fan girls. Gag me, _Natsume fought a shiver.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Natsume."

Natsume did a double take at Ruka's face that looked reluctant and doubtful. _Wait, a minute. What's going on here? I thought that's what he wants me to do?_ He couldn't help but be suspicious. "Why?"

Ruka summoned his most frazzled and discouraged look, the one he always wore when he was up against Hotaru. "Because, you'll just fight with her while what she needs is rest. Don't worry, Imai already asked that sempai of hers to visit her, she's pretty sure that she'll open her door for the guy since they're so close. He is her favorite sempai after all."

Natsume suddenly felt nauseous, not to mention pissed off. _What is he trying to say? That the baka youjo will be happier with the stupid Andou guy than with me?_ Not that he cared, but it was like saying that that stupid lolita lover is better than him. _That's just stupid and Ruka should know better._

Natsume snarled, his scowl was fiercer than before as sharp needles of jealousy pricked his heart. "If she doesn't open the door for me than I'll just make her and if that pisses her off, well tough."

Ruka glanced at the scowling teenager; his shoulders hunched, his stance ready for battle and had to push back a smile. "Natsume, she's sick. Be nice."

This time, when Ruka gave him one of his silent chiding looks, Natsume smirked, totally unaware that he had just fallen into a carefully planned and well executed trap. "Now where's the fun in that?"

When Ruka decided that Natsume was out of earshot, he chortled along with his fellow cohorts and shook his head. "Honestly, that is the worst case of self denial I have ever seen."

The table was suddenly filled with agreeing murmurs, giggles and snickers.

Someone slipped into the chair Natsume vacated, speculating violet eyes gleaming back at him. "Nogi, I have to say I'm impressed. I didn't know you had it in you."

Ruka slurped the remaining spaghetti and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "You have your ways, I have mine." A smirk curled over his lip as blue eyes met violet. "Pay up."

Koko grinned at the look on Hotaru's face, like she just ate a whole bucket of vile, unspeakable things. Like losing to Ruka, her all time favorite victim wasn't bad enough, she also has to part with a couple of her precious rabbits.

When she only stared at him with that straight forward almost empty look, Ruka turned on his seat so they sat face to face and propped up a hand. Along the table, one by one of their classmates, who were enjoying Hotaru's annoyance very much, watched them with a wide grin on their faces. A long silent minute past by and Ruka's smirk widened into a grin as he wiggled his fingers in silent demand.

"Who are you and what have you done to Nogi?"

Ruka snorted when her eyes narrowed. "Well, you only have yourself to blame. You're a bad influence on me. Now pay up, Imai." He rolled his eyes when she merely stared at his empty hand. "It's only thirty rabbits, it's about time I got something from all of those pictures you've been selling. How about we settle on a percentage? What do you think?" He flashed a wicked smile at her that made the standing girls on a nearby table sat back on their chairs because their knees suddenly turned into jelly.

He lifted an eyebrow when the bland look on her face changed.

Ruka blinked when he felt his heart stuttered when Hotaru showed him a rare slight smile.

_She's actually quite beautiful_, he thought, blinking again at the sudden turn of his thoughts. He noticed that her hair is longer, her bangs too and she parts them to the side, a small hair clip kept them in place, it was purple flowers, the same shade of her eyes. Like Mikan, she grew taller but still petite, her once gangly, thin body is now slightly curved.

He coughed when he suddenly felt tremors running down his back at the sight of her smile, _of course, her personality sucks._

"You know, Ruka." She tilted her head and Ruka watched as the ends of her straight as rain black hair touched the elegant curve of her neck. "I like you better this way."

Ruka's whole body tensed when she leaned over, their knees bumping against each other, the velvety softness of her voice weaved a straight path towards his stomach. Sweat started to pool on the small of his back.

But while this was nothing strange since experience taught him to always feel nervous around Hotaru, he sensed something different. He felt hot instead of cold and his muscles jerked tightly every time their knees bumped.

_SHIT_, Ruka can only watched in silent disbelief when Hotaru's face moved closer and closer and closer..

"I like you so much in fact, that I just want to…"

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, Ruka's fingers clenched tightly on the edge of the table when Hotaru angled her head towards his, their lips inches apart, if he leaned over just a little bit..his train of thought screeched to a stop when he felt her warm breath on his lips. His nose caught her scent; lilac and jasmines.

His eyes returned from her lips to her eyes, jolted when he found them looking straight at him. The look in her eyes was surprisingly vulnerable.

"..that I just want to…"

Ruka held his breath along with everyone on their table and anyone else who was watching. The anticipation was slowly draining his head of all logical thought, drowning the manic furious sound of the alarm that was ringing loudly in his head.

"..to.." She hesitated and Ruka watched as her eyelashes fluttered shut. His mouth felt like it was a desert and he felt slightly dizzy from the lack of oxygen. ".. blinked in confusion, his over stimulated mind was unable to comprehend what just transpired. It took several moments before his thoughts cleared and his eyes caught her running towards the exit. Finally remembering that he needed to breathe, mortified, embarrassed and slightly, unwillingly, unbelievably excited, he stood up and gave chase to the cackling girl. "Imai!! I swear to God, when I get my hands on youuuuu…"

Koko laughed with all the others and exchanged knowing looks with Kitsuneme, Anna, Konoko, Yuu, Monchu and Sumire, the inner circle that knows all about Natsume, Mikan, Hotaru and Ruka. They sighed.

"Talk about denial." They mused simultaneously and shook their heads.

-------


	2. A Fickled Heart

**A State of Denial**

**Chapter Two: A Fickled Heart**

Disc: Not mine. No need to sue.

---

Natsume's footsteps hesitated when he thought he heard a yell that sounded suspiciously like Ruka's but shrugged it off and continued his journey.

He scowled at the group of people that immediately parted and fell silent on his arrival.

_I am not worried. I'm not. Seriously._ _I just don't want to be saddle with a sick partner. If she gets worse, I know I'll end up shouldering the blame._

He grimaced when people looked at him questioningly, probably wondering why the hell he was there. He certainly did.

_This is all her fault. Why the hell did she have to stay up all night anyway?_ He demanded silently as he stalked the halls that led to her room. _Does she not trust me to come back safely? Haven't she figure it out already that it will take more than my missions to take me down? _

Unlike him, all she required to do is to stay in school and make friends but she can't even do that right? Instead she'd gotten herself sick…and he knows, he is positive that everyone will think that it is entirely his fault.

_She is so much trouble._

_If she was sick, she should've just missed class, no wonder she wasn't as loud and obnoxious as she usually was this morning. _

Not that he was watching her or anything. After all, her seat is in front of his so he can't help but look at her from time to time_. Not that she was worth looking at, she's not the prettiest girl around and she's certainly not the smartest._ _Her personality is annoying and Kami, her voice makes my ear bleed. _

So what if he'd taken to play with the curling ends of her trademark ponytail? It's always there, in front of him. Every time a wind blows, it slaps him in the face so he has no choice but to hold it in place. _She hasn't said anything against it and why the hell should she? She should be glad that I don't burn it each time it whips me on they face._

_So what if her eyes and smile were chosen as the 'brightest eyes and 'the sweetest smile' in their class in the school paper? _

Natsume hitched the paper bag in his hand and winced when he heard the clink of glass. He stopped then turned around as embarrassment and pride won over guilt and responsibility but his feet refused to move. He let out a frustrated breath that had two students silently backing away and hightailing out of there when Natsume kicked a wall. Hard.

Cursing as pain shot from his toes up his thigh, he leaned back against a wall and questioned his sanity. A sneer appeared on his face when he saw the picture in front of him, there, at a billboard on the wall across from him was a picture of Mikan as The March Hare and Andou as The Mad Hatter, in an article about their newest RPG at the last festival. She was in his arms, her head on his shoulder looking comfortable and pleased to be there. Both were grinning widely at the camera.

"Che."

Without even having to move a muscle the paper burned to a crisp by the force of his stare alone. He straightened from the wall and without realizing it, his earlier decision was forgotten and he determinedly walked towards Mikan's room.

_It's not like I'm jealous or anything. It's just not right for her to be hanging around Andou like that. That stupid guy is eighteen now, can't he find a good girl his own age and stop pawing the baka? _

_Besides, why does he treat her like that? Letting her sit on his lap, ride on his shoulders, crawl up into his arms. _

_Doesn't anyone else see that it's wrong?_

_Damn lolita lover._

Natsume is sure that if keeps spoiling her like that, she'll get incorrigible and out of hand. She already has most of the people in the school eating off the palm of her hand anyway.

_Good thing I'm around to knock some sense into her._

Natsume's scowl deepened when he arrived at her flower decorated door and was disturbed by the sudden urge to hit his head against it, but not a born masochistic, he pounded his fist on it instead. He sneered when the flowers trembled at the force of his knock and rearranged themselves to form insulting and rude words. Suddenly hit with the thought that these things might be Hotaru's work, he eyed them suspiciously. Who knew what other counter measures the vicious girl added to those damn things?

He pounded on the door again, starting to get worried when she didn't answer. The door next to hers opened and a guy stumbled out of it, disgruntled and ready to snap at whomever it was that dared to bother his sleep.

"Oy, Sakura. What the hell..." The scathing words stopped in his throat as angry red ruby eyes glared back at him and the identity of the boy entered his sleepy mind but before he can grovel and ask for mercy, a sound interrupted Natsume's glaring. "A minute."

Even from behind the door, his ears started to heat up. _Stupid baka with her stupid voice._He rolled his eyes when he heard a crash and an exclamation of pain, already forgetting the next door guy who was still standing there, blinking in the sunlight, watching curiously.

Natsume settled on glaring at the flowers which was spelling out 'baka', _damn girl and her accident prone behavior. If she strained her ankle, he'll be force to pick her up and walk her back from school. _

He stuck his free hand in his pocket. _Damn nuisance._

Natsume stamped hard on his surprise when she opened her door wide wearing only a white baby doll pretty confection of lace that left her shoulders bare with short puffy sleeves and a hemline that barely reached her knees. She blinked at him, then as her mind slowly processed who it was, she brightened. "Natsume-kun, are you here to visit me?"

Because he found himself fighting the urge to smile as she beamed at him, he scowled darkly at her. "Didn't anyone teach you to ask who it was before opening the door?"

She didn't look regretful at all, she merely smiled impishly. "I know it was you from the pounding."

"At the very least you shouldn't answer the door only in your underwear."

She pouted. "Mou, Natsume. This is not my underwear, this is a night gown. Although I don't know if it's right to call it a night gown since I'm not wearing it at night." She mused. "Well, anyway, it's a birthday gift from Hotaru."

Natsume snorted. "Figures. Judging from your real underwear, your tastes don't run on the elegant and sophisticated."

Ignoring his comment about her underwear, she twirled to show off the night gown and his jaw nearly dropped when her long, long hair that she wore down flared in the air and revealed the nearly nonexistent backless state of the gown which only consists of several crisscrossing thin strips of white lace. Her smooth pale skin of her back played peek a boo with his eyes. "Do you really think it's elegant and sophisticated?"

Avoiding the question, he glared at her. "At the very least, you should wear a robe."

"I only have bathrobes, I don't have pretty robes." Then her sweet face turned sneaky and hopeful at the same time, a very fetching combination. "Maybe you can buy me one for Christmas."

Actually, he already had a picture of one in his mind. Something soft and shiny, with strong colors and bold motives, it vexed him. He frowned. "Maybe."

Her amber eyes widened in pleasure. "Really?"

He let a smile appeared on his face and she beamed back at him. _Such a_ _sweet, innocent…stupid girl_. "No." He smirked when she pouted and crossed her arms. He pointed at her door. "What's up with this?"

She glanced at it, then laughed. "Sorry, Natsume-kun. I'll stop it now." She giggled while she pressed the flowers to their original places. Natsume should've moved back to give her more moving room but he stayed where he was, standing close to her that her hair and arms brush his chest, her sweet and fresh scent tantalizing. Because he felt his mind started to haze and his heart jumped, he gritted his teeth and stayed there, stubbornly, after all it was just his stupid hormones working overtime. It didn't mean anything.

His eyes snapped to the side when she called a name and waved, "Miya-san. Konbanwa."

Finally realizing that they have an audience and he noted the interested way her neighbor eyed her, he smiled viciously when the guy jerked his hand from his door knob, suddenly finding it hot to the touch.

Natsume pushed Mikan none to gently inside her room. "Lie down you, baka. If you faint I'll just leave you on the floor 'cause I'm not carrying you. You're heavy."

"Mou, hidoi." She pouted but did as she was told. It wasn't the first time he entered her room since she has the habit of having what she called 'gorging parties', a party where she'll take whatever was left in her fridge and mesh them together; some of time it's edible, other times it was a handy weapon against rabid fans. It's a bit like Fear Factor on speed.

He looked around and noted the little changes she made from when he'd been there last. A new calendar that was filled with little scribbles, a new alarm clock replacing the one she destroyed one particular morning, new sheets and matching curtains. Her promotion from single star to double star moved her to a bigger room but she used most of her space as a sitting area for hanging out with her friends; a wide white fluffy carpet on one of the corners with a coffee table shaped like a pumpkin on top of it, several small multicolored cushions stacked haphazardly along the walls; surprisingly feminine but not too girly. Clearly her friends have been helping her out, since Natsume knew, if left to her own devices, she'll probably put one those freaky garden gnomes and pictures of clowns or something.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw the artwork above her bed. Mikan noticed his attention on it and sent him a sheepish smile. "It's pretty. I like it."

He felt his face starting to heat up and turned his head away. This is why he hates hanging out with her; she has this weird annoying ability to find something in him that he tried desperately to hide.

He thrust out the paper bag that he carried into her arms which she took and immediately started to shift through, giggling as though it was a treasure case.

His eyes shifted to the artwork; it was shaped like a butterfly made out of little pieces of red glass. He remembered it, remember where she found it. They were all hanging out, waiting for dinner when she found some cracked glass, probably excess material from the renovation of the main building, typically Mikan, she started to play around with it, taking the little pieces of red glass putting them all together in different shapes and words but she ended up with the butterfly.

He remembered the glow in her face as she suddenly turned towards him, holding a piece of glass in the direction of his face and then laughed. "I wondered why it was so familiar. Natsume-kun, look. It's the same shade of red as your eyes." She beamed at him. "Pretty."

When several eyes including Ruka's and Hotaru's inched towards him, his embarrassment was complete and in an also typical fashion, Mikan yelped and ran crying to Hotaru when Natsume set fire to 'her pretty Natsume butterfly'. Hotaru of course shot her with her baka gun and told her that glass doesn't burn that easily and true enough when Mikan peeked at it, instead of melting into nothing, his fire only melded the little pieces of glass together, so he actually did her a favor. The delight in her eyes was actually quite painful to see as it reminded him that she had no business being friends with him. Especially, when she held his hand and thanked him with that big, bright, stupid smile of hers before showing it off and of course burnt her fingers in the process.

_It actually is pretty_, he admitted to himself. Light bounced off its angles, curves and edges reflecting different shades of red around the room. _Pretty, she said._ It was the first time that anyone ever said that about the color of his eyes.

"It's half full."

The smile in her voice distracted him and made him look to what she was holding in her hands and winced inwardly. It was a bottle filled with Konoko's lavender and rosemary aromatherapy oil, one that she gave him once when he involuntarily mentioned about his nightmares.

It didn't help him with his nightmares, but having the smell of it on his sheets and blankets made him sleep easier. It wasn't a manly thing to do but as long as it helped, he'd try anything.

The fact was, it helped because it reminded him of her, because he smelt it on her and that calmed him. But he'll sooner rot in hell than admit that out loud.

He scoffed. "Trust you not to say half empty." _Always an optimist._

Natsume thrusts his hands in his pocket again, embarrassed and pissed off because now she knows that he actually used it. "You told me to use it, so I did."

Natsume watched her bit back a smile as he stood looming over her. "That's good."

"I want it back by the way."

Now she did smile, slightly. "Okay."

At fourteen, Natsume already looked like such a young man. His tall, agile and toned body still retained the lanky grace he had two years ago and he was indeed stronger; power wise and strength wise. Even upperclassmen did not refer to him as a brat anymore 'cause he didn't look the part, though Natsume suspected it wasn't only because of his looks but because his experience and power gave his reputation more weight since he stayed on top of his dangerous ability class all these time. It shocked him when one day he realized that he wasn't only feared anymore, he was actually respected. He didn't expect it but he didn't lose any sleep over it.

He didn't need their respect.

They can shove it for all he cared.

He already has everything he ever wanted. Dependable friends who will fight for him, against him, beside him.

A sense of home and family.

He guessed people's general opinion of him changed when a spy from Anti-Alice Organization managed to infiltrate the Academy. He was young in experience though he was years older than Natsume but well trained in both powers and martial arts. Fast on his feet with sharp instincts.

The spy was good. He was better.

Even some from his level treated him differently after that, it bugged him. Only the inner circle, the ones that actually stayed with him, watching his back while he was fighting the spy that still treated him the same.

Mikan though, something changed between them.

Though they still fought like crazy sometimes, they never again held a grudge against each other. They sneer and smirk at each other but all in all, Mikan always manages to convince him that she thinks of him as one of best friends and that she trusts him and strangely enough, he trusts her back. She stuck by him all these years through the good times, bad times and the worst times. Even when he was being the ultimate bastard that even he flinches when he think back on how he treated her. But instead of turning her back on him and left him, surrounded by his very own demons, she understood, she accepted, she comforted and she forgave. She ached for him like it was her very own pain and cried the tears she knew he couldn't afford to cry. She left him no other choice but to surrender.

Persona was right. She weakened him but she also made him stronger in other ways, in other ways that actually mattered.

"Natsume-kun?" She asked, her brow wrinkled and realized that he was staring.

"You're voice annoyed me, so I tuned it out." Before he turned towards the fridge, he caught the amused smile on her face. He scowled at the inside of the fridge. That had also changed. Usually, even a year ago, she would've smacked him with one of Hotaru's invention or at least tried to, but now, every bad thing he says just amuses her. It annoyed him to no end, though he always found new ways to annoy her. At the very least, his comments about her panties still rankled, even though how much she tried to hide it, even though how much she tried to school her face, he knew that it still hit deep whenever it was about her panties. He saved them for special occasions now, just to see her temper rise up to a dangerous level, watch how she kept it in check while trying very hard to smile. He liked seeing the ire that bloomed in her amber eyes and pinked her cheeks.

Natsume caught his reflection and found himself smirking just thinking about it. "You do know that you only have crap in here, right?"

"It's called food, Natsume-kun." He knew she was rolling her eyes just by the tone of her voice.

"It's crap. Chocolates, jelly beans, candies. Man, it's a surprise you haven't grown fat."Although he was kneeling in front of her mini fridge, his back to her, he knew that she was looking at him, and as weird as it sound, he sensed that she was smiling. "Natsume-kun?"

"What?" He snapped and knowing that she was waiting for him to turn and look at her, he intentionally took his sweet time though eventually he gave in. He always felt the need to fight his instincts and his heart when it comes to the baka youjo. "What?" He said in a softer tone.

"Thank you."

There it was, that stupid sweet, caring smile that he hated and yearned for at the same time. She always seems to know the exact words to say, always know the right thing to do. She always know how to touch him, how to comfort him, how to get through his defenses. He hated her for it but can't seem to get enough of it.

He frowned when she held her head then lay back slowly, hugging the brown paper bag to her body, he stood by her bed. "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah."

He crossed his arms. "Have you taken anything?"

"Um. Yeah."

He merely stared at her and she grimaced. "Um. No."

"Did you go to a doctor?"

"Yeaa.." He narrowed his eyes, "..no."

"So, what were you going to do? Sleep it off?"

Mikan did what she always did when he used his familiar 'what? Are you stupid?' tone. She pouted.

He sighed deeply then grabbed the brown bag in her arms, swearing softly under his voice, muttering curses on stupid little girls then fished out some tablets and a bottle of water then push it onto her hands. "Drink."

She pursed her lips, her expression mutinous.

When he narrowed his eyes threateningly, she merely pressed her lips together.

"Youjo, I'm warning you. We can do this the hard way or the easy way."

She folded her arms which actually made her look stupid since she was still lying on her back while he was standing and glowering down at her.

"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you." With a move that was as fast as it was sneaky, his fingers pinched her nose, hard. "Let's just see how long you can hold your breath." Her dark brows snapped together and her face started to turn red after a few seconds. Natsume glanced at his watch, counting the seconds.

When she finally couldn't take it anymore and gasped out a breath, he quickly shoved the tablets in and poured water into her mouth.

He smirked at the indignant look on her face and the garbling sounds that she made. "Drink or drown, youjo."

He knew the stare she was giving him with her cheeks expanded with its contents, her arms crossed on her chest was her way of saying, 'I'll swallow when I damn want to, you jerk'. She looked like a pissed off squirell.

He took a cooling pad, tore the plastic cover and slapped it on her forehead, resulting in her nearly choking to death.

She coughed and gasped. "What was that for?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "I told you to swallow."

"Gee, thanks, Florence Nightingale."

He shrugged, his hands back into his pockets.

"Instead of glaring down on me, you can sit down."

He eyed her, eyed the bed then quirked an eyebrow. "You offering something, polka dots?"

The blush that filled her face was ugly and dark. "Right, I forgot. You are so hot that it's every girls mission in life to be your girl." She glared at him, saw the speculative look in his eyes. "Oh, forget it. Stand there as long as you like, see if I care."

He frowned when she turned her back on him. "Why suddenly so sensitive, strawberries?"

"Shut up. I'm not talking to you."

Interested and curious with her reaction, he hitched his pants and sat on the edge of her bed, one of his feet tucked under him. The bed moved under his weight and she turned her head. "What're you doing?"

"I'm taking you up your offer."

"I said I wasn't offering you anything."

"You offered me a seat. I'm taking it."

"Trust you to be annoying."

"Trust you to be indecisive."

She sniffed and returned to her earlier position. When she stayed like that and he heard her sniffle, he knew something was up and perked up his ears when she mumbled something under her breath. "Why do you have to be so nice?"

Since he was thinking that he was being a jerk, it caught him off guard. "You think I'm being nice?"

She sniffled again. "Excuse me, I was talking to myself."

Not bothering to argue that odd point and he was starting to realize something must be really wrong to upset her like this…not that he cared…it's just that bad things tend to happen all at once around upset little girls especially when that little girl's name is Sakura Mikan.

Natsume poked the back of her head. "Oy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. You should just go. It wouldn't look good if you stay too long at my place."

"Since when do you care about what other people think?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not."

"Then why aren't you looking at me?"

She scoffed but the sound was a little watery. "Contrary to what you and your fan girls think, your face isn't all that.."

Natsume tsk-ed. "Oh, don't give me that crap. What is up with you?"

"Nothing, just leave it alone." She burrowed herself deeper in her blanket and he tugged at it.

"It's funny how people don't take a hint and keep pestering, huh?"

"If you're my friend.."

"Which I'm not."

He watched her shoulders stiffened then hunched over. "Fine. Then get out."

He crawled closer to her and peered at her face.

"Don't look at me. Go away."

He smirked. "You never listen to me when I say that so, why should I?" He took her arm and pulled, she resisted but he didn't let go of her arm. He can be persistent, too. "What's wrong, baka?"

She sniffed and swiped at her tears. "It's nothing."

He sat cross-legged on the bed, settled his knees on his thighs. "I'm only going to nag at you until you talk so you might as well give up. Consider it payback for all those times you've been a pain in my ass." He blinked when her lips trembled and she started sobbing. "You're mad at me."

Baffled, he snapped at her. "What?"

Eyes watering, she sobbed again. "You're mad at me. I know you are."

"Why should I be mad at you?"

Big fat tears tumbled down one after another, her lips trembled. "Because, because I came here voluntarily while they had to force you."

Totally at lost, Natsume scratched his head. "What are you talking about?"

She sat up, her hair tumbling over her face. "You are, aren't you? You hate me."

Natsume started to feel a slight headache coming on and rubbed his temple. "Youjo, what brought this on? Why are you suddenly talking about this now?" Somehow he suddenly had a strong suspicion that somebody put this thought into her head. "Did somebody talked to you? Is that it?"

"So, you do hate me. Admit it or I'll never talk to you again."

He couldn't help himself, he had to say it. "That's actually a tempting offer.."

Incensed that he wasn't taking her seriously, she started to push him off the bed and hit him with a pillow. "Ouch. Youjo, what's your problem? Quit it! Youjo, stop!"

They struggled a bit until Natsume finally managed to get a hold of her arms. Confused, annoyed and out of breath, Natsume glared at her. "What is the matter with you?"

He knew her well enough that although she's a cry baby and will cry at the most stupidest of things, female hysterics was beyond her. So, it stands to reason when he gaped at her when she suddenly broke down and bawled.

"I'm sorry, Natsume-kun for being such a bother to you. I'm sorry that I came here voluntarily. I'm sorry that I always annoy and nag and get you in trouble with the principles and Persona. I'm sorry that you have to keep and eye on me and train me when you are already busy with your missions where you get wounded…and you're going to dieeeeeee….."

He winced. "Shit, youjo. Shut up already. They'll think I'm beating you up or something."

"I'm sorryyyyyy…."

He grimaced when her sobs reached glass breaking notes. Not up to a round against Hotaru's baka gun and not knowing how to stop her besides she just looked so heartbreakingly sad, he held her nape and pull her head to his chest. His heart stuttered when she reached around his waist and hugged him tightly.

He can feel her sobbing against his chest, her fingers clenching on his shirt, her tears moist and hot on his skin. She smelled sweet and soft and warm from her sleep.

He kept his arms at his side but he gave in to the urge to rub his cheeks on the top of her head and breathed her in.

Comforted by the fact that he wouldn't have let her touch him if he was mad at her, her tears stopped and when she felt her hair stir from his breath and the warmth of his cheek on her head, she tilted her head up; eyes vulnerable, lips parted.

Natsume's breath caught, suddenly realizing the situation they were in. He looked into her amber eyes, soft with tears and cursed loudly in his head.

Trying to hide the effect of her proximity on him, he instantly grabbed her head and unceremoniously pushed her down onto her pillow.

"Itaaai. What was that for??"

He turned his back on her and scooted back towards the edge, his feet touching the floor. "You said wanted to sleep. So sleep."

She glared at his back but it didn't last long. Maybe it was because of the medicine, maybe she was just sleepy, and maybe it was because she felt safe with Natsume, sitting by her side. She stifled a yawn and once again burrowed deeply under the blanket. "Natsume-kun."

She heard him grunt which she took as a sign that he was listening. "Will you stay with me for a while?"

"I'm busy." Natsume winced as soon as the sharp rejection passed his lips. When she didn't reply with her usual 'Natsume, you meanie' or stuffs like that. He thought she was a sleep but he froze when he felt something warm on his hand. A glance let him know that Mikan had wrapped her fingers around his pinky and ring finger, her small thin fingers in sharp contrast with his long, big, strong ones.

Looking at Mikan from the corner of his eyes, he saw her already asleep breathing deeply. Tentatively, he moved his fingers, sliding it against hers and was stupidly touched when her fingers tightened on his. His eyes shifting back towards her face where a small smile curved on her lips and he watched as she wiggled closer to him.

"You're such a pest. I don't know why I put up at you." He brought a hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, his forefinger gently running over the curve of her jaw.

He's not in love with her. He's not.

So, okay, maybe him being here, doing these things is strangely uncharacteristically of him but, you know, she's been known to take care of him once or twice and Natsume Hyuuga always repay his debts.

And if his heart turned to goo when she snuggled closer to him, it was just because, well, she kind of grew on him, it was like that feeling between a pet and its master. Of course he would feel responsible and it's only natural that he feels a certain softness for her. It didn't mean anything.

So what if instead of kicking her awake and going back to his room, he turned sideways and leaned against the headboard, stretching his legs on the bed? She was sick and contrary to what others think, he's not totally heartless. He understands all about loneliness, about missing your family, about the fear of not knowing when everyone around you looked like they know more about you than yourself.

"This is only for tonight you know." He fluffed the pillow behind his back. "Tomorrow we're going to act as if nothing happened." He whispered to the sleeping girl who sighed softly. "Not that anything did happen anyway."

He is not in love with her. He's not.

He doesn't even like the annoying baka. When Mikan's finger tightened against his, he automatically returned the gesture.

Natsume shut his eyes and knocked the back of his head gently on the wall. "Damn it."

Maybe.. he cares for her, just a little bit. That's all.


	3. Go Down Deep

A State of Denial

Chapter Three: Go Down Deep

------------

_I don't know how she does it._

Natsume pressed a thumb and forefinger to his eyes, rubbing slowly in circular motions. Maybe, maybe he was brainwashed, maybe Koko did something to his brain. Maybe, Konoko laced his tea with something that made him slightly drunk, he certainly has a headache to rival any hangover. Maybe, it was that damn Imai. Certainly that would explain how he changed his mind so fast when he usually never change his mind. Ever.

One minute he was raining curses over her head for even attempting to ask him to go with her to search for a dress of all things than a minute later, when their eyes met, with hers so big and bright, he heard himself agreeing to her proposition.

It didn't make any sense.

He'd been trained and conditioned for Kami's sake to go against even the most extreme brain washing and interrogative methods so he can never be turned but obviously there was a hitch in said methods for it only took a pair of amber eyes to get him to change his mind. He wondered whether he should mention this to Persona.

He scoffed at the thought and banged his head on the antique table, ignoring the clatter of the tea set in front of him or the weird but cautious look that the top notch boutique owner gave him. He rubbed his forehead and grimace inwardly because God forbid that Hyuuga Natsume should ever break his unflappable composure, in public anyway. His long red eyes ignored the admiring looks and giggling girls that gathered around dresses of various styles, colors and sizes, instead it observed the coming and goings of buyers and sales assistants, the moods and geniality of the boutique.

He waved a dismissive hand at the waiter who wandered towards his table at the waiting area at one corner of the boutique that was made into a small café, probably to ask for the fifteenth time if he would like a refill. He sniffed the air that smelt distinctively of cinnamon and something sweet and feminine, he had to admit that his repertoire of things that he won't ever do had reduce greatly due to the baka that seemed to have made it her personal mission to make him do things that he would normally never do. Like accompanying stupid girls to search for stupid dresses and wait for more than two hours without the inducement of a threat to his life and wellbeing.

His eyes settled on the bored faces of fathers and boyfriends that lounged at the other tables and felt a sort of camaraderie.

They were all suckers.

He felt the nervousness of the owner vibrating in the air as she watched him from the corner of her eyes and he sneered when she almost smacked against a wall. It wasn't that he was feeling particularly mean it was just that he saw the look on her face when Mikan had bounced into the store, all pig tails and big smiles.

He saw the way the woman took a glance at the baka and immediately decided that she was not suited for her store. The baka maybe stupid and annoying but she certainly didn't deserve the snicker and mocking look in the woman's eyes.

Sure she was pest and a constant irritation but he knew for a fact that she was more worthy than any of the insipid and spoiled princesses that had ever stepped into this boudoir of hedonism so he moved from his hiding place and planted himself beside Mikan and watched as the sneer fell off the owners face.

He could barely contain his distaste when the older woman almost tripped on her own two feet at the speed on which she approached them. He hated the way people fawn and suck up to him but he gritted his teeth and tolerated it, he found himself actually smirking when Mikan stared at the bowing woman, turned to him and rolled her eyes.

But that new found patience was starting to thin at the gawking stares, the unbelievable boredom, and his annoyance of being in a place where that he would rather not. He lifted his eyes when Mikan appeared at the seat across from him, he scowled at her. "You found one, yet?"

_Please, God, say yes._

She chewed on her bottom lips, distracting him from his irritation. "I found one."

He rolled his eyes when she didn't continue her explanation. "Are you going to buy it?"

She shook her head and sighed.

"I think I'll just go to another store."

He scowled, he wasn't up to another two hours of waiting. "Didn't you like the dress?"

"Sure. It's perfect but.." He watched her think and instantly knew what she was thinking. The dress that she wanted was probably too expensive. She could probably afford it with her three star allowances but he knew that Mikan had been setting half of her allowance aside to send to her grand father and the dress will probably cost her more than the budget that she set for herself.

Natsume sighed, _she is such a pest_. He ignored that some part of him was irked and hurt that she didn't think of asking for his help though another part of him knew that it was just a result of her upbringing and not because that she didn't trust him to help her out.

He only needed to lift his eyes to have someone approached their table. "May I help you, sir?"

He gave Mikan a look when the girl smirked at the honorific. "Wrap the dress that she tried on, we're in a hurry."

He ignored the choking voices across from him and got his credit card out from his wallet but before the sale assistant got her claws on it, Mikan's own slender fingers grasped and tugged against his own.

"Natsume, no." She looked horrified and extremely mortified at the thought of him paying for her dress.

"It's no big deal."

She hissed at him and tugged at the card that he was holding more firmly. "No."

"You can pay me back."

She smiled at the sale assistant. "He was only kidding."

Natsume quirked an eyebrow. "No, I wasn't."

She frowned at him. "No. I'll just go find another one."

"But I thought you like this one."

"And I'm sure I'll like the other one just as much."

He should be annoyed that she was making such a big deal of it and creating a scene in front of other people but looking at her blushing face, he found himself amused. He realized why though, after all, what he was doing, paying for her dress, was something a boy friend would do for his girl friend. As soon as the thought flitted past his brain, he was intrigued by it. He didn't know why, but he was suddenly adamant to pay for the dress. Besides, it's not like he was using the money anyway and he sort of owed her for her treatments and cooked meals.

One look of her stubborn face, he knew she was not going to let his card go without a fight which was fine. Fighting was in his job description but it's not like he could knock her out, good thing he never had compulsions about fighting dirty.

He slanted his red ruby eyes to the window and pointed. "Look, an elephant."

He didn't know whether to laugh or sigh when Mikan whipped her head around. "Huh? Where?"

She sucked in an insulted breath when she realized she was duped and scowled when Natsume gave her a pitying glance. "An elephant? Really, baka? What are the chances of an elephant walking around the upper side of Central Town?"

"It wasn't necessary, Natsume."

He eyed her impassively. "Yes, it was. If I have to wait two more hours for you to find another dress, I'll go crazy."

"More than you already are?"

She grinned cheekily when Natsume glared at her. "Besides, it's not like I would've make you wait for me again, I can go alone while you go somewhere else. I will pay you back by the way. "

She scowled when he ignored her. "I'm going to pay you back and you will accept it."

Natsume grunted, already having numerous scenarios where he would prevent that from ever happening.

"I mean it Natsume."

"Hn." He stood and true to form, the sale assistant earlier appeared at his elbow so fast it was like magic, clutching a black exclusive looking shopping bag, slightly panting from her exertion. Mikan had to stop herself from rolling her eyes again, after eight long years of being partnered with Natsume, she was still unused to the special treatment that he gets inside and outside of Central Town.

After putting his wallet away, he took the bag and walked off with it hanging over a finger over his shoulders, ignoring her baffled look and reaching hands.

"Let's go. My ears are starting to bleed from all the twittering."

Mikan's lip twitched at his reference to the whispering and giggling girls that followed his back with glowing eyes. She shook her head at the chevalier and dismissive way he treated his fame and the adoration that came with it. He knew he hated it once, and he still didn't want it but as the years passed by, he learned to tolerate it with a bored attitude. She knew that he knew that his reputation is part of why he was so famous or more precisely notorious but she wondered whether he realized that his looks was part of those reasons too.

She watched the boy, no, teenager that walked slightly in front of her from the corner of her eyes and smiled at the careless way he parted the crowd and ignored the looks that he was getting.

She admitted, long ago and will cut out her tongue before admitting it, that he was ridiculously beautiful. Not that he looked like a girl or pretty like Ruka, she chuckled a bit at the thought of their best friend and the way he hated when someone called him pretty, Natsume was just…beautiful, there was no other word for his long slanted exotic eyes with their long lashes, the straight perfect nose, the hard jaw line and the thin but firm lips. Then there was all that hair, silky black, straight as rain that falls over his face and flutters over his shoulder with his every movement.

She'd grudgingly admitted that yes, he is in fact unfairly good looking after her group of girl friends; Konoko, Anna, Sumire and even Hotaru pointed this out to her.

The years only seemed to be even more persistent on giving finishing touches on Natsume. He was tall; with long hands and long legs that eat up the ground when he walks. He moved silently with a grace that was the result of years of stealth and martial arts training. She also had the good luck or bad luck to be able to see with her own eyes and feel with her own hands how his body had changed over the years since she spent those years hounding him with her ever ready first kit. Under her observing eyes, hard muscles bunched and shifted under toned and warm skin. He finally grew into his shoulders which were broad and carried too many problems and worries for a fourteen year old boy.

Her eyes moved towards the fingers that combed through raven hair so black it was tinged blue; his fingers were long and slender like the fingers of a pianist but instead of pressing pristine keys on a piano, those fingers were calloused and scarred from training, weapons and his Alice. She also knew that although they can crack a man's jaw thrice his size, those fingers can also be very gentle and careful.

She watched on as Natsume weaved his way through the parting crowd with a simple shift of his weight and twist of his body. He was slender rather than bulky, bordering on thin.

_Lanky_, she decided on a word that would fit him better, _he was lanky_.

If only she turned her head just a little towards her reflection on a nearby window, she'd probably be surprised and embarrassed at the obvious affection on her face, she'd also be confused and bothered by the other emotion that made her eyes glow and curved her lips in a sweet, sweet gentle smile. Since she didn't, she continued on her observation until a flower vendor distracted her. With a long stemmed white, cheerful daisy twirling in her fingers, she turned to find Natsume standing on a corner, stubbornly looking forward when a group of middleclass girls gawked at him.

She pursed her lips when their eyes met, he looked like he was going to blame her for his current irritation but merely waited until she was beside him to continue again. His face looked so annoyed that Mikan can't help but grin. "It's your own fault you know."

He quirked an eyebrow and she smiled sneakily. "It's because you're so good looking."

Mikan laughed when Natsume stopped in his tracks and stared blankly at her. She reached for his uniform jacket's lapel and looped the daisy through the button hole, then smiled, looking straight into his narrowed eyes.

"What are you up to?"

She widened her amber eyes. "Whatever do you mean?"

Natsume frowned when she hooked her arms with his and pulled him to the bus stop. "Come on. I can't wait for the party tonight."


	4. One Night, Two People

State of Denial

Chapter Four: One Night, Two People

----------

A lot had change over the years

For instance, years before if someone said that he would be sitting in the dark wearing a tux, waiting for a girl, he would've laughed in that person's face, but since he wasn't the laughing kind, he would probably glare the person to silence, and/or burn him to a crisp.

But here he is, doing exactly that.

Nevermind that he had neglected the ebony short jacket and that it was dangling above his head on the tip of the tree branch, or that the white silk tie he was supposed to be wearing was loosely hanging on his neck.

But then again, a few years go, there were no big amber eyes that smile at him, dazzle him and make him do things he'd rather not.

Like accompanying a stupid girl to pick out a stupid dress.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Maybe next time he goes to a mission, he should tell this little story and his opponents will just die laughing so he can take a break.

Bafflement shifted over his face but quickly replaced by frustration.

It wasn't as if he liked her or anything.

Granted, she's got guts, he admitted with a shrug of his shoulders, and yeah, she was damn loyal, those were qualities that he admires in anybody.

Even the damn Sumire girl.

Which is probably why those girls are still alive to annoy him another day.

It was no contest though, Mikan Sakura is the heavy weight champion of his life's annoyances. Sometimes the sight of her opening her big fat mouth rubbed on his nerves like nothing else ever could, even the image of her bouncing pony tail was a constant irritation, mainly because, he would never admit it even to himself, his first reaction on seeing it was to crack a smile.

And he never smiles at girls, unless it was to sneer…nope, no, he doesn't smile. Ever.

Absently rubbing his bruised shoulder, he remembered how she fuss and coo at him, though that didn't stop her from yapping his ear off with lectures upon personal safety and all that.

Natsume rolled his eyes.

The fact that he was injured also didn't stop her from hunting him down and dragging him to Central Town.

_Damn nuisance._

His eyes shifted to the open area before him. _And where is she now?_

Natsume continued to brood in silence, the fact that he didn't burn even so much as a fluttery handkerchief or those satin flowers that hung on those stupid fluffy curtains spoke loads about his self restraint.

Persona would be so proud.

Course then, the bastard would have something else to say about why he was there in the first place.

The sneer came and went on Natsume's face.

_That's it, five more minutes ad I'll drag her out of her room if I have to._ It was either that or spend half the night dodging Hotaru's well aimed Baka Gun or meeting Ruka's why-did-you-kick-my-puppy look. Feeling better with the promise of an altercation, Natsume made a move to stand only to sit down again when a flash of white caught his eyes.

"Natsume." Mikan bundled over to him in a concoction of white lace that fell in waves from her bosom to her ankles. He was right, she did pick something made out of fluttery lace, but it didn't make her look like a cake or a Scarlet O Hara wannabe, instead she looked feminine. Delicate.

It left her arms ad shoulders bare, a long pale color that the long slim lies of her body without being confining. A trick of light made the layer that covered her breasts and the big bow at her back change colors like gossamer wigs.

Her caramel hair cascaded over her shoulder, down her back in big soft waves. The warm tone of each strand contrasted beautifully with the cool color of her dress and complimented the bright shine of her amber eyes.

Natsume's hands twitched, the tip of his fingers tingled as if it was one big nerve.

He closed his mouth and schooled his features to a scowl as he shoved his itching hands into his pockets.

"Why are you hiding? I've been looking all over for you."

Natsume would've slash at her with the sharp edge of his tongue but he was too distracted by the sound of sharp clicks that came from her feet and as his mind buzzed over why that was important enough for him investigate, he noticed that her toes were painted pink.

"Natsume. You're not listening."

Confused, he dragged his eyes along her legs and up, up until he was looking at her face. It didn't help.

Her already bright eyes were deeper, darker, and bigger; her cheeks were rosy pink with excitement and eagerness. His eyes dropped to her mouth when it moved; her lips were moist, plump and full.

She gathered her skirt in her hands and twirled in the muted light.

His breath caught in his throat as the long tail of her dress grazed over his left cheek, her light scent washed over him filled the dark while he watched the material of her dress caressed the air and reflected moonlight in a beguiling dance of sights and scents.

_Hormones_, Natsume gritted his teeth when his heart tried to crawl out of his throat, _was just another of God's gift for little boys to remind them who was boss._

He tried so hard to block her out and settle himself that he jolted when she leaned her face to him, tickling his face with the edges of her fragrant hair. She waved a hand in front of his face and laughed when he narrowed his eyes, threateningly.

"Natsume, I asked you a question." She bunched her skirt in her fists. "What do you think?"

Natsume's eyes followed the hitch of her skirt revealing the satin ribbons of her heels that she tied in a criss-cross pattern up to her knees.

Those legs stomped in frustration.

"Natsume. Pay attention."

He yanked on his tie, suddenly hot and itchy.

"What do you want, ojou? I came, didn't I?"

She rolled her big amber eyes.

The ripples of sensation that shot through his spine made him look away. He needed a psych evaluation. Fast. His eyes checked out too.

"So?"

"So what?"

"The dress, Natsume. What do you think of the dress?"

Her exasperated tone helped him composed himself, he shrugged. "It's a dress." His lips curved into a smirk as he eyed her bare shoulders and arms. "Well, half of it, anyway."

The dig found its mark and she pouted at him but as usual, it didn't last long. A second later, she smiled at him; softly, fondly.

It gave him the jitters.

"What?" He barked out sullenly but the smile only grew wider.

"Thank you, Natsume for going with me and being so patient. It meant a lot to me."

He frowned and fought not to squirmed under her warm stare. "Whatever."

She clapped her hands in delight. "I've finally figured out what to give you."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Give me?"

"Yes, as a thank you."

He stared at the had that she held out to him, she was always giving him things, little thing; the last of her Hawalons, a candy bar, half of her dessert, an illustrated story book, a snow globe of a Sakura Tree, simple things, so when he saw her hand empty, he lifted his eyes to her face, questioning.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed at his hand, pulling him until he stood in front of her. She put his right hand on her waist, held the left with hers and beamed at him. "I'm going to give you my first dance."

"First dance?" He repeated with a bland tone, unimpressed with her generosity.

"Yeah." She frowned. "A first dance is very important because it sets the mood. If I started badly, it will only get worse from there."

Oh.

He sneered just for the hell of it. "That's stupid."

"No, that's logical." She bantered while she shifted her feet."

"Ojou, the man is supposed to lead."

"Move your feet, then."

"If you keep being so bossy, no boy is going to like you."

"If he doesn't like me just the way I am, than I wouldn't like him either."

Those words brought his eyes to her face, absently noticing that the band had started a new song.

"What?" He asked when she out of the blue she smiled at him, they swayed softly in the shimmering light thread with shadows.

"This is nice."

Natsume spread his gaze, trying to find what she was referring to. The night was fragrant with damp earth, flowers and the promise of heavy rain that came and went with the wind as it sighed and sang in his ears. The darkness was soothing rather than threatening, the moon was a pale smile in the dark sky among a scatter of winking lights.

The air was thrumming with the hum of conversations, muted laughter and the chimes of tinkling glass and music. The warm glow of the centre bonfire sheared through the tree barks, chasing away the elusive dark.

It shouldn't surprise him really, the different of how they look at things, after all, they were two very different people that came from two very different back grounds, but it always did.

Maybe it was because somehow she seem to fit, how easy it was for her to integrate herself into their lives, to him it seemed like one day she wasn't there and then the next day, he open his eyes ad there she was.

Nowadays, it seemed like everywhere he turned she was there, popping out I the strangest of places, in the strangest of times, welcomes or not.

It baffled him that some tie it felt so natural for her to be there like she had always been there all along but other time like today, he realized that, no, it was simply fate dealing him hand.

He hadn't made up his mind whether it was good or bad, yet.

He blinked when their eyes met and she smiled that soft smile that wasn't one of her best, wasn't one of her brightest or widest, but, if he was honest to himself, it was his favorite because he noticed that she smile that way only when she was with him and he'd long thought of that smile as his.

It freaked him out sometimes how damn 'nice' she is, granted, she isn't the most beautiful or smart or talented girl in the academy. Her only apparent talent seemed to be that she was a Houdini at slipping in and out of tight spots while dragging everyone that she knew along with her.

Kami knows, he had pulled her out of enough troubles to last a lifetime.

It wasn't as if she was particularly naïve, he blamed it all on her upbringing. She was brought up in a society where adults take care of you, where teachers guide and believed in you and where friends are your second family.

Of course, Natsume admitted, she had all of that even now.

When everybody else bend or break under the academy, she seemed to be able to make the academy adapt to her.

You have to admire it.

Natsume's hand clenched at her waist when she laid her head of his shoulder, tucking her face at the curve of his neck in a trusting, affectionate gesture.

_Damn her_, he though even as he spread his fingers on her back, drawing her closer, he became dependant on her being there, on that trust, on those eyes that look at him and managed to find something worthwhile.

As he trailed the edges of her hair, he thought that he'd always known that something was missing from him, in him, that somehow he was born lacking as a human being. How else would he have survived the years with his sanity more or else, intact?

But he had Ruka who will always be his better half.

And now he has her.

An emotion, impossibly sweet, surprisingly tender washed over him when he felt her body relaxed against him, her sigh warm against his neck and the weight of his shoulder was a comfort more than a burden.

She was his conscience, yet ironically, she was also his greatest weakness, one he would move heaven and Earth to get to; lie, cheat, kill, not because she's his friend, or because she's his responsibility or because of his…attachment to her, but because she was and is one of the few good things in his life…and that, in Natsume's book, is always worth fighting for.

He sensed her smile and without giving it much thought, rubbed his cheek on the top of her fragrant head.

Both of his hands had made its way to her back, embracing her while both of hers were around his waist. They held each other among the silver tipped trees, swaying slightly, lost in their own corner of the world.

_Yeah_, Natsume closed his eyes and for once stop thinking and just feel. _This is nice._


	5. Not the Only One

A Gakuen Alice Story

State of Denial

Chapter Four : Not the Only One

Disc: Gakuen Alice is Not mine at all!

Koko was in mind reader's heaven.

The thing was, mind reading is not as fun as other people think, sure there are the occasional juicy secrets and funny inappropriate thoughts, but considering where they are, more often than not the thoughts are as depressing as hell.

But now, now he was truly enjoying himself. He grinned as he watched three people stare at each other. Intense red and bright amber eyes flicked to each other and back to their cards.

Around them, their classmates buzzed with speculation over who will win this time.

It was an all around shock when Mikan interrupted the boy's game of friendly poker and asked if she could join them. Natsume, who was the obvious reining champion. sneered at her, said that this was no game for little girls.

Affronted, Mikan crossed her arms and challenged him for a round or two. When he lifted an eyebrow and asked where she'll get the money to pay her losses, she shocked them again with asking Hotaru for a loan and actually getting it.

As expected, she lost the first and second game and while the boys leered and made fun at her, Koko caught the suspicion in Natsume's mind and as always, he was right as in quick three successions, Mikan won the third, fourth and fifth game, each time by what it seems to be bluffs.

Their third player, Monchu eyed Mikan's beaming face with narrow eyes, unsure whether she was actually holding a good hand or like previous time's merely bluffing. When she smiled sweetly at him, he gave up and folded.

Koko watched as Natsume observed Mikan whom was busily rearranging her cards while humming a vague, cheerful tune. It wasn't as if she had a champion poker face like Natsume who exuded calmness and confidence merely by just sitting, the problem was there were too much to read on her face. She hm-ed and aww-ed, she'll pursed her lips and bounced in her seat. As Natsume used his blank face to hide his thoughts, Mikan used her bubbly and smiley demeanor. It was a bit disconcerting really.

"So, Natsume. Are you in or not?"

Koko stifled a grin at the smug look on her face, she was obviously enjoying that for once Natsume was taking her seriously. The Oreo cookies on her right were growing steadily and it was almost as high as Natsume's. No wonder Hotaru didn't mind lending her money.

_KUSO!_

Koko almost jumped as the curse leaped into his mind and he jerked his eyes to Natsume who shifted in his seat.

_Is she doing that in purpose?_

Koko frowned and tried to find out what the hell his friend was ranting about then caught movement below the table they were using. Koko snickered when he watched Mikan's foot moved in time with her strange, subdued humming, unwittingly sliding her calf up and down Natsume's, distracting the boy. Amused, he observed Natsume grit his teeth when Mikan's leg angled high, paused as she threw a card down and then slid, oh so slowly, down along Natsume's.

Along those few delicious seconds, Natsume's mind went blank.

He covered his smile at the creative curses that spewed into Natsume's mind, thinking Natsume could just move his leg elsewhere if he wasn't enjoying it so much.

"I'm in." Natsume toss his Oreo's into the mountain in the center of the table, and Koko had to admire how Natsume kept his cool when his mind was mush.

Monchu slapped his forehead when one look at their cards showed both had crap but Natsume's still one over Mikan's.

Mikan didn't look put out at all at losing, Koko tried to read her mind but she kept nullifying him. Handy that.

_What is she doing?_

Koko lifted his brows when Natsume's red eyes sharpened, it turned out that Mikan just took off the top button of her white shirt, Koko didn't see anything wrong with that since today was freakishly hot. Her small hand was flapping her shirt to cool herself down, giving those who were interested quick peeks of her soft pink lacy undershirt.

And boooy, was Natsume interested.

It was an innocent enough gesture, one that usually would not cause attention unless someone bring attention to it.

"Even if you jump up this table and strip, polkadots, it's not going to raise your chance in winning." Natsume said, all the while giving her flapping shirt a pointed look. The hand stopped, her cheeks pink with embarrassment.

"I'm hot." She declared.

A cool quirk of eyebrow followed that innocent statement. "Full of ourselves, are we?"

Finally understanding the double meaning in her own words, pink turned red. "I feel hot."

A sneer lifted Natsume's lips and she blinked, blustered when again, she caught herself. Angry, she kicked his shin under the table.

Natsume grunted with pain. "What the hell, oujo?"

"It's hot today, so what if I open a few buttons?"

"It's indecent."

She huffed. "Indecent? How come? Look around, look at yourself. You have half of your shirt buttons off."

Most of the girls there sighed over the undeniably pretty sight, irritating Mikan much further and even Koko had to admit Natsume looked good with his messy hair and lean, toned body. In short, he was making all of the other guys look bad, Koko made a mental note to do some extra push ups later.

"Well, I'm not a girl."

Mikan scoffed. "That's unfair and I can do whatever I want to. I don't need your permission." In the spirit of defiance, she unbuttoned another, showing her collarbone, and since Natsume drew so much attention to it, several male eyes helplessly gravitated towards it.

Koko watched the crumbling Oreo that was helplessly caught between Natsume's fingers.

Mikan didn't take her eyes off of Natsume who glared hotly at her and opened more of her buttons.

The Orea didn't have a chance when Natsume snapped. "As you always fit to tell me, I am your partner and it concerns me when you flaunt yourself."

There were winces all around, for a guy who has been surrounded by half the girls in the school, Natsume still has a lot to learn about girls.

Mikan's shock gasp was met by a glint in Natsume's red eyes as she snapped open another button, exposing the ruffle edges of her undershirt and a hint of cleavage.To Koko, she wasn't showing anymore skin than the other girls, who had already given up and took of their shirts, parading around in tank tops and camisols in full view. But of course, this was Natsume they were talking about and he is notoriously posessive whe it comes to Mikan. When Mikan's fingers crept down to another button, Natsume's red eyes narrowed on her face. "Button up your shirt."

"Why should I?"

"Because I told you too."

"Oh, yeah, sure. Now that you told me ." Mikan smirked. "I don't think so." Quick as lightning, she opened up all of her buttons and to take it much, much further, she moved to take off her shirt, showing them the smooth curve of her shoulders when Natsume, apparently having enough of her rebbelion, pushed the table that parted them aside and pulled on her chair until they were face to face.

People took a huge step back when Natsume gripped the arms of her chair, trapping her in it, figuring it will be one of those days where Mikan and Natsume duke it out.They watched with anticipation when both of them glared at each other.

Talk about tension.

"Put. It. Back. On."

The bite in Natsume's deep voice was met with a condescending tone, from Mikan, as if she was explaining matters to a three year old. "It's...hot."

"I said. Put it back on."

"And I said, it's hot."

Natsume's left brow twitched when her shirt dropped from her arms a couple of inches more.

"Oujo, this is going to be the last time..."

"If I have to put on my shirt on, so do you."

Not expecting that, as they were, Natsume blinked. "What?"

She frowned and gestured at his chest. "It's only fair. Why should I put on my shirt when you're parading around half naked?"

Natsume wrinkled his brow, his eyes glued to her face, then out of nowhere, something like amuse understanding glinted in his eyes. He pulled back but kept his eyes on her as he slowly buttonned up his shirt, much to the disappointment of many girls, leaving only the first two buttons."There, satisfied?"

Mikan sniffed, trying to hide the satisfied smile that curved her lips, but the affronted facade wavered when Natsume pulled her hands from her shirt, covered her and did her buttons, one by one, himself. A slight smile bloomed on his lips when a soft flush crept up Mikan's cheek. He also left the first two button open, his fingers lingering along her collar, pulling slightly at the edges.

"Now you owe me an ice cream."

Mikan blinked when he stood, pulling her up by one edge of her collar. "What? How did that happen?"

"You're the one who made me buttoned up my shirt. So I need something to cool me off."

"That's not fair. I want an ice cream too."

Natsume merely walked on, confident she'll follow. "Then you'll buy me one as you buy one for yourself."

"That's stupid."

"No, you're stupid."

"Pervert."

"Brat."

Koko could only blinked with the others as they watched the odd bickering pair walk away, their thoughts in tune. _Natsume's not the only one who's possessive._


	6. The Betraying Subconscious

**State of Denial**

**Chapter Six: The Betraying Subconscious**

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys, I have trouble logging in. Anyway, yes, this stories are drabbles except for the first two, I wanted to end it there but since you all insisted...**

**---------------------------**

They say that in us lives two people.

This does not refer to psychology or some kind of new age thing, not even a matter of perspective.

This statement refers to the brain.

More precisely, the left and right brain.

It is said that although both sides of the brain feels emotions, it is the right that knows what it is; whether it is sadness, or pain or joy and to control our reaction to these emotions is the job of the left brain.

This is probably why we depend so much on rationalization, on logic.

Why we insist that everything must make sense.

In short, in the complex hierarchy of our body, the left brain is boss.

But even the most vigilant and observant of bosses have its weak moments; moments where they miss and are oblivious to what his minions are doing.

There will be times, times where the emotions are too strong, too smothering; it overflows and fills you that it blocks out everything else. It is on these moments; where the left brain is distracted or influenced by something else that the right brain wiggles through and does mischief. These are usually the moments where you end up stranded in a corner of nowhere, naked and although you don't quite remember what had happened, somehow you are quite certain that you will come to regret it for the rest of your life.

Mikan, being a girl, is already partial to the biddings of her right brain; which some romantics would prefer to say the biddings of her heart but pushing that aside, she is already more rash and impulsive than the average person, not to mention it seems that her left brain is not the type that has a dominant personality aka it's a wimp, that is why most of the time, she is the very picture of recklessness; her feelings control her every action and logic doesn't even have the courtesy to do a cameo.

Now, for instance; where she found herself alone with Natsume Hyuuga, her partner of four years, is no exception.

If someone saw what she did and asked why she did it, she couldn't quite explain why.

She didn't remember thinking of doing it, heck she didn't even remember doing it. Somehow, it just…happened.

One moment she was sitting, for once content on being quiet, watching Sakura petals flutter down like rain around them, the next, she caught herself doing something that not in a million years would she ever though she was capable of.

Well, okay, maybe not quite 'the next moment', there were moments between moments but, oh, well, you what I mean. It was as if she had an out of body experience and her body had a life had its own, or maybe she was possessed by some kind of spirit.

Well, okay, she had to admit that she'd been wondering about it, wondering about how it would feel that now they knew each other better, that they were on better terms, that they were friends.

Trust and affection and all that.

He was nice to her, he even smiled at her once a while and for Natsume Hyuuga that was like …big.

They spend time together regardless they were in class or not or whether they need to. Sometimes he was the one to search for her though he would spend the time either smirking or making fun at her, she didn't mind.

Since he'd also been training her, they spend quite a lot of time together and Mikan liked it, though she'd always felt like she'd been put into a wood chipper most of the time, but he would take care of her after that, making sure she was comfortable when he put her to bed.

The fact that Natsume was often times maternal made her laugh.

He was more gentle, he smiled more, laughed more, talked more, and if she inquired something about him, it gratified her that he would answer rather than the usual glare and burning.

So, when she sat beside a sleeping Natsume that afternoon she found herself feeling satisfiction with how her life is. With her friends, her classes, of course she'd hoped to see her Ojii-chan but other than that, she felt good inside. Because she felt good inside, like the generous girl that she was, she wanted to share it with somebody and who else needed more of something good either than Natsume?

When she turned towards him, she was a bit disappointed that he was asleep, but she giggled when she saw the piles of pink petals on his hair and face.

Trying not to wake him up she picked and brushed it off him, absently wondering what shampoo he was wearing since his hair always looked so soft and shampoo commercial worthy. She huffed over the fact it was probably some special star concoction that is not fit for lowly students such as herself.

She tried to maintain her pout but she knew what it costs Natsume to have special star status, and she wasn't the least bit jealous.

She stopped when Natsume's face shifted towards her, his face twisted into a frown, his eyes moving behind his eyelids, caught in a dream.

Worried of the black blue half circles under his eyes, and the more than often nightmare that riddled his dreams, she brushed her hand through his hair in gentle but firm movements, to calm, to ease, to take the frown away from his face.

It hurt, it always hurt when she saw her friends in pain but it hurt even more when it was Natsume because his pain was…different, more serious than anyone else's. He was already such an adult at ten years old, even more so now four years later, and his worries and troubles are also problems that no fourteen year old should ever experience but he shouldered the burden and didn't complain.

There was no one more deserving of a peaceful nights sleep than Natsume.

No one more deserving of a happy ending.

But as she came to learn, life doesn't guarantee happy endings and you make do with what you have.

He was always so careful with his feelings, always so careful of not showing his worries that just made her all the more determined to dig through all his walls.

Mikan touched a finger to the line between his brows, stroking it away, smoothing it down, she continued to graze the finger against his tense cheekbones, down to his locked jaw, willing the tightness away. She ran her fingers over the fist that was clenched on the front of his chest, loosening the fingers one by one.

Slowly, gently, with only the lightest pressures of skin against skin.

Humming low in her throat, a little smile on her lips as she continued to pet his hair, chuckling when Natsume leaned into her touch, brushed his face against the palm of her hand.

Warmth unfurled in her chest as affection bloomed slowly but strong.

It was then, when she felt so affectionate, so loving, with him turned towards her as if to get closer, is when it happened.

Without intention, without planned, without even the slightest bit of hesitation.

She kissed him.

When she realized what she did, she froze in shock and short of screeching hers and Natsume's head off, she got a hold of herself just in time….just in time to get the hell out of there before Natsume woke up and found out what she just did.

There will be no living with him.

It wasn't long after Mikan's sudden departure that a snort came out of the supposedly sleeping boy.

"On the forehead?" He mumbled, disparaging amusement in his voice. "Damn _little girl_."

A shrug followed the statement as he shifted on his back again and back to sleep, a little smile on his lips.


	7. The Betraying Subconscious II

State of Denial

Chapter Seven :The Betraying Subconscious Part II

A/N It's Natsume's turn. LOL.

Anyway, just finished two chapters of Into You I Go, Will Update it soon. Well, let's just say, if you don't hate me now, you will hate me then...laughs evilly

-----------------------------------

Natsume Hyuuga was torn between irritated or amused, as whenever he was around Mikan Sakura.

He closed his eyes when the wind blew into one of the big windows and whipped her long locks against his face.

He wouldn't have to suffer through this cruel and unusual punishment if she sat beside him as usual, but even he had to admit, even he couldn't insist her to sit in the bright glare of the sun that poured into her usual seat. So for a couple of times in a day, Mikan would sit beside her most favorite person in the whole wide world; Hotaru Imai which put her in front of him; one of the reasons why he hadn't directly opposed of the arrangement.

Not that, much to his dismay and chagrin, he can't do anything to stop Mikan when she'd decided on something.

He sighed when another gust of wind ghosted the edges of her tresses upon his face, distracting him from his thoughts, it was then that Mikan turned, caught his stare and laughed at his aggravated expression.

"I'm sorry, Natsume."

With an uncommonly graceful move that was unlike her usual self, she parted her hair and tucked it into two little buns behind her ears, securing it in place with two pencils.

He didn't know why exactly, but something stirred inside him at the sight of her nape, that delicate area of skin that he rarely get to see nowadays because through the years, she finally realized she can do different hair styles, it was framed between the edge of her hair line and the blinding white of her uniform collar, displayed like a well made piece of art.

Soft, white, slender.

His crimson eyes latched upon on that small area as if his life depended upon it, his thoughts whirled in a fine frenzy before it quieted down into nothingness.

But the zen moment didn't make him anymore immune to the gold weaved into Mikan's long hair or the way the afternoon sun illuminated her skin with a golden embrace.

He wasn't exactly sure what came over him.

It was as if his body had a will of his own and it was damn determined on doing so while his sanity and logic was shoved deep, deep at the back of his mind.

One minute he was staring at the back of her head, the next, his hand reached out with only one thing as its purpose.

To touch her.

Hard callous fingers grazed over the small patch of skin from the edge of her hairline, down to the shallow dip of her back.

If Natsume was surprised about his behavior, Mikan was even more so.

At his gentle but firm touch, Mikan snapped ramrod straight on her seat and screeched as befitting a girl, chased by a max murderer who was hell bent on getting a piece of her.

That of course attracted the class's attention towards her...and the hand that hovered near her. Natsume's hand.

Brows lifted over said hand.

Red faced, clutching her collar as if she was in danger of losing her chastity, her wide warm eyes trained on his face.

It wasn't like him to act without thinking, Persona had cured him of that but damn it, surely it didn't deserve such a reaction.

_Damn baby_, Natsume cursed her and his own lapsed of judgment.

Mortified to his very shoes by his lax of control and the number of way too interested eyes, especially the knowing look of Hotaru's, the amusement in Koko's and the wicked glint in Narumi's of all people, his mind raced in an effort to save his cool.

He wasn't called the terror of the underworld for nothing; cool as you please without ever a blink of hesitation, he retracted his hand and with a calm composure that was more suited for people double his age, said, "Bug."

"Oh." Mikan blinked and flashed a big grateful smile. "Arigatou, Natsume."

Natsume, as usual, merely gave asound of acknowledgment before settling his face onto the curve of his folded hands, as if preparing to sleep.

It wasn't until then, that everybody's attention shifted away from the two.

_Damn stupid baka,_ Natsume took a deep calming breath, his crimson eyes glared at the back of her head but eventually, his eyes moved down to that area of skin he somehow found so intriguing.

Soft, white, slender.


	8. Entwined Song Fic

**State of Denial**

**Chapter Eight: Entwined (Songfic; Entwined by Jason Reeves)**

**Disc: Do I really need to do this again? You all know that the main characters are not mine.**

He should move.

Natsume blinked his crimson eyes at the white ceiling, searching for nonexistent cracks. Rain tapped softly on the widow panes, the fresh smell of water fluttered through the half opened widow as rain drops shimmered in the dwindling sunlight that seeped through the windows, washing the floor with a warm glow.

His room was warm and peaceful.

He stifled a yawn and admired the rainbow flashes of light that chased each other along the walls, deflected by the big crystals that hung from the window frames.

Natsume sighed softly in obvious contentment then took a deep breath, filling his lungs with a sweet, delicate aroma that could only belong to one person.

Her.

_Her_ as in Sakura Mikan.

_Her _as in the terrifyingly obnoxious girl that was the bane of his existence since he was ten.

_Her_ as in the only girl he can't seem to say no to.

_Her _as in the girl that was lying so peacefully beside him.

_**(Entwined)**_

He sighed again and wrinkled his nose when strands of her hair flirted across his face, he shifted his head and stared at the reason of his sudden immobility; the thirteen year old girl who'd managed to wrap herself around him, looking so disgustingly sweet on doing it, too.

He really should move—the arm that served as her pillow tightened, sliding her closer—there were a lot of other things that he should do.

_**(All that we are is defined by each others shipwrecked hearts)**_

He didn't need to spread his gaze to know that the pack had left, or that the movie marathon they plan on had ended.

Probably when they noticed that he had somehow—he was still amaze at the fact—fallen asleep. He didn't remember—if ever—he'd fallen asleep with so much people around.

He was usually much more vigilant. He couldn't afford not to.

He'd grown way too comfortable around his friends.

The painkillers probably didn't help.

Still recovering from a wayward mission, Natsume was under strict orders to bed rest, which is why the pack decided upon a movie marathon to keep him entertained—although Natsume suspected that they only wanted to utilize his huge flat screen.

He didn't even remember what it was they were watching.

Natsume shifted his shoulder and held his breath when his shoulder jostled Mikan's head, but she didn't seem to register the movement.

_Huh._

Slowly, so slowly, he carefully turned to his side to faced her—his eyes reveling over her sleeping face—and listened to her deep, even breathing

Her honey blond hair splayed across his white sheets, wrapped around her like a blanket.

Her tinted eyelashes curved where it touched her cheeks, the same shade of blond as her brows that were lighter than her hair. Sleep pinked her soft, round cheeks, and a soft sound of a sigh flew from her slightly opened mouth.

Just two nights ago, he was up to his knees in fear, blood and pain, but now he was lying on a soft bed with the sound of soft rain, lulling him to sleep with her beside him.

Three years ago, he would have never believed he could ever feel so comfortable, so content, so safe as he did now, hell, after all they've been through, he wouldn't have believed it a week ago.

Her presence in his life was still as much as a miraculous bafflement as it was the day she walked into his life.

_**(And I shiver to think what would have been if I wouldn't have seen you in time)**_

And what a day that was.

_**(Would we pass by?)**_

Although he was sure of his feelings for her, in fact, it was one of the few things in his life that he was sure of, he hadn't quite made peace with it.

It was probably a passing thing, something that would disappear before it even started.

_**(Like parachutes and air balloons)**_

_**(Or satellites and lonely moons)**_

His heart—his very foolish, very temperamental heart—beg to differ as it stuttered and flailed along mercilessly when he saw her eyelids flutter. Natsume was caught between wanting her to wake up so he can see his reflection in her eyes and wanting her to stay asleep so he can watch her a moment longer.

He was both disappointed and glad when she stayed asleep.

_**(We'd still be drifting far apart)**_

_**(But thank the stars we are…entwined)**_

Natsume shifted closer, close enough to feel her breath and feel her warmth on his skin, to marvel at the softness of her sleeping expression.

Mikan was no beauty, even the most biased of her adoring friends could ever say that she was beautiful; her eyes were too big for her face, her nose too short, her mouth too pouty, but when looked at with an overall perspective, it worked of her.

Besides, there was no beating the wide, bright smile, the warm colored eyes and that undeniably caring nature.

_**(All that you are is mine, your divine imperfections color the dark)**_

He'd like to think his feeling weren't too obvious, that he hid his feelings well, but his smart ass brain mocked him for a fool.

The fact that the pack left them alone also showed he was more than obvious of his feelings for her.

Not that _she_ noticed.

They were closer than ever. They still fought and bickered but that was just how they communicate. The hours where they trained also nurtured their trust and bonded them on deeper levels, but although he knew without a doubt that she cared for him, he didn't knew anything else of her feelings for him.

It bothered him, the way she was just so nice to everybody, how can one distinguish who was who if she kept treating everybody in the same way? Okay, maybe not the same way, it was obvious that Hotaru is her one true love, but whatever. And yeah, she does fusses about him, worries over him and is affectionate towards him but she's like that to everybody, at least, to all their close friends, so how can he ever guess how she feels about him?

But it wasn't just that, she was just too damn _nice_. She was a total mark for con artists and the numerous bad people he knew were out there.

_**(And I shiver to see how fragile you are when the world's such a cruel place to be)**_

It was damn frustrating.

Natsume's beautiful face twisted in a scowl before he even knew it, his eyes focused on Mikan's face. As if she knew he was angry with her, she let out a small, harmless sound before nestling closer to the angry boy in an unconsciously coy but nevertheless sweet way.

Natsume's scowl melted away in a flurry of heartbeats.

(_**Then you cut me free...)**_

The sigh that reverberated in Natsume's chest was as helpless as it was frustrated, he started to come to the conclusion that when it comes to Mikan, nothing would happen the way he wanted it too.

And he should just accept it before he drove himself nuts.

His crimson eyes were sullen but when it landed on Mikan's soft, soft face, it warmed with the strength of his feelings.

He sighed again—just for the hell of it—then with the spirit of absolute pragmatism, he agilely use his toes to pull the duvet up until he could reach it with his hands without moving his upper body and slid it over them, encasing them in a soft warm cocoon.

He rolled his eyes when Mikan arm wrapped across his chest and squeezed him like she would a teddy bear before mumbling something about hawalons.

"If you take a bite at me, I'll bite you back." He half-heartedly threatened, his eyes already drifting close.

He _really_ should move…

_**(Let's walk the tightrope together without a safety net)**_

_**(And when we fall and we will fall)**_

_**(Let's fall forever...entwined)**_

….but another minute won't hurt.


End file.
